A short sketch

A couple of weeks ago, I had to write a very short political satire sketch as a homework assignment for my writing class.

It is a ‘Comedy Script Writing’ course, so I was attempting to be funny. You may or may not think that I achieved that, but it was performed in class and people laughed. The tutor even gave me back a copy covered in ticks, although when I excitedly wrote to tell a friend about that, I mistyped an important word and told him that I had been handed back my script “covered in big dicks”.

The brief was to filter David Cameron’s recent Magna Carta/Letterman incident in to either Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, or Mastermind. As I had already worked on a Millionaire idea in class, I went with that. The script had to fit on to 1 page.

I do not consider political satire to be my ‘thing’ at all. Although that is sort of why I enjoyed this homework. It was difficult and good to try something new and different.

Do not feel obliged to offer your feedback. You can if you like. I’d like it if you did. It is only my 3rd week of class. I am enjoying it very much and this week I have to write about a vets where all of the animals die.

*****

INT. WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE TV STUDIO

HOST
And welcome back to Who’s Glad to be a Millionaire. Tonight’s contestant is David from…

DAVID CAMERON
Please – call me Dave.

HOST
Right. Okay. Dave. For those who have just tuned in, Dave – tell us how got this far on the show?

DAVE
Well I just forced my way, really. I mean, I didn’t even technically win the initial voting round where you have to finish first or anything.

HOST
No, that’s right actually, you didn’t. In fact, why are you even…?

HOST adjusts his earpiece, as if being told to press on

So! Dave! Are you ready to play Who’s Glad to be a Millionaire?

DAVE
Chris, I was born a millionaire. I mean… ready. I was born ready.

HOST
Now remember, no lifelines. You used your 50/50 when you didn’t know what the initials NHS stood for, you wasted your ‘phone a friend’ on Rebekah Brooks, which we had to cut short due to an odd clicking sound on the line, and you had to ask the audience whether Scunthorpe was a real place or not.

DAVE
Okay. I can do this. Let’s go.

HOST
Dave, for one million pounds: What M do we associate with Runnymede? Is it A: Magna Carta. B: Magnum Ice Cream. Is it C: Magnus Magnusson or… D: Margaret Thatcher

DAVE
Oh that is EASY. It is obviously Margaret Thatcher. She is the answer to everything. Final answer. Absolutely. Done deal. Hit me.

HOST
I’m sorry Dave… Margaret Thatcher is NOT the answer.

DAVE
(In a dismissive, angry manner)
RIGHT that’s it. Public inquiry.